So now, I've got the ring and it's finally time to share the story of how it all went down! This is a story of faith, hope, and of love. There are some deeply personal feelings in it, but I think they're necessary to share if you want to see what was truly going on in my mind before popping the question.
We went to Asheville for Lori's 30th birthday. We were excited to be staying someplace that she loved, the "Asheville Swiss Chalets," and to be doing something fun together, out of town, where we could take Duke & Buster along with us. We left on her birthday, October 5th. It takes 5 or 6 hours to get there, but we had a great time all the way. I love that about us. Always a fun time together.
All of Lori's friends and coworkers (who had no actual knowledge of my plans) kept telling her "he's going to do it this week!" She kept thinking it wouldn't happen so soon. In her mind, we'd only gone and found out her ring size when we were in Durham for a wedding on September 24th. Way too soon for Jason, the guy who plans out everything in lots of detail, to have gone through the process of getting an engagement ring!
Little did she know that I'd been planning for months, I already had the ring, and I'd already asked her parents for their blessing and permission to ask her for her hand. There it is, hidden in one of the many pockets of my backpack, was a box that contained the ring I'd had made during my "trip to the dentist" at our last trip to the DC area and picked up from Kris on September 25th.
In my mind, I'm excited, but very anxious and nervous. I'm trying so hard to keep it all together, to not give anything away, and to enjoy everything about this trip. Easy enough on her birthday. That day is all about her. Over the next 4 days, however, keeping a secret like this from the one I love so much became much more challenging. By the night before I was going to ask her, I was pretty grumpy and hard to deal with.
I was truly scared to death, because of something that I feel every guy deals with deep at his core, whether he's ready or willing to admit it or not. I was scared that I wouldn't be enough. I was scared of rejection. A fear that, when talking with anyone face to face about my relationship with Lori and our love for each other, would seem absolutely ridiculous. And in talking about it out loud, I too believe it would sound ridiculous. However, in the quiet of my own mind, that fear of failure lurks and tries its hardest to bring you down, just with the tiniest seed of doubt. I don't remember some parts of the night before I asked her, but I know that I was not pleasant to be around. In spite of all my fears, and as a result of Lori's commitment, love, and patience for dealing with me, things got better that night.
I wanted dessert and coffee (my two favorite food groups). We "happened to" walk into a place called "Creatures Cafe." I say "happened to" because I don't really believe much in coincidences, and I do believe that we're given opportunities to embrace ideas, behaviors, or actions; and that at certain times, it's important to see them clearly and make changes if necessary. While in that cafe, I had a head on collision with God. There was some good music in the background as a guy tuned his guitar and did a sound check for a show that night. It turns out, this place was actually a Christian coffee shop, and the owners told us an incredible story of their lives together, of surviving cancer together, and opening this shop so that God could reach out to people in a place and a way that's different than just opening a church or preaching on a street corner. That night, I wrote in a journal that they had on the counter for people to record their thoughts and experiences, and I remember thinking to myself, God is stepping in right now because I am on the verge of making a big mistake by behaving this way with Lori. That night, we went back to the chalet and went to bed. I prayed a lot to myself.
The next morning, communication was still quite tenuous, and I was scared that she might not say yes if I asked that day. We went to breakfast at the Corner Kitchen, a favorite place among locals. I had the ring in the cargo pocket of my pants, sitting merely inches away from her throughout the morning. I felt like a spy on a secret mission, only pretending that nothing was strange about today at all... I'm sure she thought, "this guy's a nerd. I wonder why he's being so weird today."
I'd decided that after we got back from breakfast, I'd go get her a Pumpkin Spice Latte' at Starbucks (she'd had one the week before and loved it), bring her some flowers, and finally ask her the big question. On our drive back, we talked about the day before, and she told me how much everything that had happened made her nervous, because "I don't know that person." When she said those words, I locked up. I was absolutely terrified. I knew I'd been acting crazy because of all the stress of hiding this big thing from her and at the same time being scared of failure, but I had no concept of how bad it must have been. No words would be able to recover me from a statement like that.
We got back and were going to take the dogs out for a walk downtown before going on the LaZoom Comedy Tour that afternoon. I decided now was the time to enact my plan to ask her, because I wasn't getting any less nervous! It'd been 4 days since her birthday!! So I nervously, but kindly asked her "Would you like a Pumpkin Spice Latte from Starbucks?" She replied, "No, I'm really full from breakfast, but you can go get some coffee." I can only laugh to myself between cussing about it in my head! So I headed off to get coffee (just around the corner from where we're staying), and called Kris. I told him how big of a moron I'd been and that I couldn't ask her to marry me today! "She hates me right now," I told him. He told me to ask her for forgiveness and to tell her how much she means to me. I went into the store after talking to him (it was a grocery store with Starbucks inside), and started looking at flowers. I was praying about it the whole time. I asked God to help me with all of this because Lori is so important to me. I received a text from her that said "I love you." I then had a feeling of peace, knowing that I needed to get a single red rose and that I would find a card that said everything I was trying to say. I found the most perfect red rose they had, and found a card that said exactly was I was trying to say. I got them and headed back to the house. (Without the coffee)
When I returned, she had the dogs leashed up and ready to go. I walked in, gave her the card and the rose, and a kiss and hug. I told her how much I loved her. She told me she loved me too.
After putting the card away and the flower in water, she opened the door to move toward the car with the dogs. I took her hand and stopped her from going outside, shutting the door for a minute, and looked at her as I reached into my pocket to pull out the box. As I did, I said "Stop. THIS is why I've been acting so crazy." I told her that she means the world to me and that I love her with my whole heart. I took a knee and looked at her as I opened the box and asked her "will you marry me?" Now, for the first time in days, she smiled so big and looked so excited and happy again, saying "Yes!"
As I remember it, the room got a lot brighter as the ring came out of the box, those diamonds catching the light, and sliding onto her finger, fitting pretty well I must add after being sized!
The rest of the day was filled with walking the dogs, calling our friends and family, and of course, our first public event as an engaged couple, the LaZoom Comedy Tour!
Who ever would have thought that something so fantastic could come from two people meeting on Match.com and having a first date at Port City Java!
I could not be happier. And I can't help but feel that it's all because of walking with God.
